


Finally Free

by fireflystiles (cuddlehazz)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Happens in between season 3b and 4, Hurt Stiles, I couldn't kill Stiles, Nightmares, POV Stiles, Post-Nogitsune, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Post-Season/Series 03B, Stiles-centric, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-08 23:47:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6880480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlehazz/pseuds/fireflystiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all the devastation all Stiles wants is to be free; only the living are not done with him yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finally Free

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY SUICIDE, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION, AND/OR ANXIETY!!!

Thick and churning in a rather whimsical and haunting manner, the slowly crawling translucent fog tightens its moist grip around my body, as I stand still in the night. Why I am here is a mystery hidden from myself. I just looked out the window from my dimly lit and quite sanctuary of a room and looked to where the street lamp was lit. Usually you can see the pole, overarching arm, and the harsh bulb, but not tonight. Looking out all that could be seen was the light refracting from one tiny molecule of water to another, giving off an eerie translucent glow to the fog hiding the surroundings of razor sharp rocks protruding from the ivy covered hill, bare trees, and the road that separates their roots from one another. 

What could normally be seen as a nuisance to some, such as those driving, I find enchanting and beautiful. That’s why I am positioned in the middle of a tiny hill stricken road under the single streetlight that illuminates the way. It is nice to be free, to do what you want, to think what you want. Of course one of the things that I would most like to do is to scream at the top of my lungs to just let everything out but I am still in public even though I am only within sight of two houses many more could hear my screams. There isn’t really a single place, not even the Preserve, that a person can go to truly scream and release everything that’s pent up. Yet a lot of the time it is what happens to be needed most. Besides the obvious activities that shouldn’t be done while standing in the middle of a road at two in the morning, I am just thinking. Or rather, I should state that I am trying to clear my mind, to be at peace. 

I wish I could just pack a bag and walk to somewhere I have never been but my fear holds me back. I could never truly do that, to be free. Even when walking alone down a crumpled and well-worn gray road, freedom isn’t acquired, not really. There will always be something to worry about. So here I am concealed in the inviting and ever consuming fog under a harsh streetlight wishing I could be free but knowing that there is no such thing. It’s cold out but it doesn’t seem to bother me at the moment I am letting the cold consume me because what else is there to do at two in the morning. Sleep happens to be the answer to that; the majority decides to sleep at this time of morning. I vaguely realize that a car could emerge from the bottom of the hill and hit me because I am becoming one with the fog. Barely moving just clearing my mind, releasing my soul relishing in how close freedom feels to be in this moment. The captivating fog is caressing everything it passes on its journey. The rolling swirls will dissipate before noon the next day but I won’t see it because the lightness of the fog is just to inviting. When an opportunity as such presents itself you must go along for the ride into the unknown. Feeling the thick unpredictability holding you in one spot doesn’t allow for much disobedience. Who would really have the heart to disturb such a beautiful moment? 

Time passes at any pace it pleases because I have lost all recollection of it. I am slowly losing all recollection of everything in life. Everything just seems all so mundane compared to the passing beauty of the feathery fog. What it would be like to be carried along? To just let my soul loose from the confines of my body, let it go to where it pleases. Would fear still stop it, or would freedom grasp on tight then release it to finally be what it has always wanted to be? 

There are few choices that can be made on our own, many factor in others and some happen whether you wish them to or not. Some can be made premature and to make one late usually fails. Selfishness is a factor in all choices. Should I worry about others? That is what has always stopped me before; will it stop me this time? Yet here I stand alone in the middle of cracked gray road concealed in illuminated fog between an open hillside lined with trees and a cut rock hill held together by ever creeping green ivy. If a car would come would I move? Could I move in time? Would I have any amount of energy left within my starving veins to move? Would it even matter? Am I to far gone already?

Withering into the gentle and light caress of the fog is becoming too easy. A small smile graces my hidden features as the freedom revels itself at last. This is truly the most selfish thing I have done, yet it is the best I have ever felt. Undeniably, the most exuberant and light I have ever felt, even as my body slowly sinks to the road. I have been still for too long in this cold dense air. My body no longer seems able or willing to hold me up. Now if a car were to come I know I have no chance, and with that thought I realize I am perfectly content with that because the feeling of everything finally disappearing and the knowledge that I will no longer have feeling after this makes everything okay. Looking up with my head resting on the small pieces of gravel that scatter the road, dislodged from their rightful crumpled splintering crack in the gray road I realize it is getting light out. I really have been out here for a long time, yet no one has noticed or will till my doorway is passed and there is a realization that there is no body in the full sized bed. Maybe someone will find my sleeping form before that, possibly a car. The sun is slowly greeting each tree top illuminating the steadily dissipating whirling fog further. It is truly beautiful to see through eyes that are becoming unfocused and heavy. Soon my brown colored eyes become too tired and heavy; the lid covers their dulling tones. Everything just seems to be heavy, except for the bubbling feeling in my chest; that feels giddy with the thought of freedom at last. 

I open my eyes one last time to see an enchanted light feeling everything and the fog now so thin I can see the bare tree tops waving at me from above, inviting me to join in the fun of swaying in the breeze. The difference for me is I won’t have any restraints any longer, I can finally be free. 

Faces of those lost flash. Mom. Erica. Heather. Boyd. Allison. Aiden. We will meet again so soon. 

With that one last burst of energy fading fast my eyes are covered once again for the last time. The fog now has released its’ gentle caress once and for all and the bubbly feeling explodes away from the confinements of its vessel. Finally, free.

\---------

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The living are not done with me yet. 


End file.
